Siblings fight. This is completely normal, no matter how bad it gets. Everyone knows that, just like how everyone knows that boys will be boys, that all girls love pink, and that ignoring a problem will totally make it go away.
(If you missed my drift, kindly reread the above paragraph with your irony glasses on. Got it? Cool.)
The fact is, abuse within the home isn’t limited to spousal/partner or intergenerational. A 2005 study indicated that 35% of children are abused by a sibling every year, compared to an estimated 1.2% of children abused by a parent every year.
This guide will cover the following:
- Who can abuse?
- Identifying abuse
- Ramifications of abuse
- Prevention
- Responding to abuse
Note: I am not a professional and this guide has been pretty simplified, but I’ve tried to make it at least a decent starting place. A “child” is here defined as “offspring, regardless of age.”
Holy crap, Ben. It’s the first time I’ve heard the term, but it makes so much sense. I don’t know what made you write this — but I’m glad you did. I can think of at least one person on my dash who needs to see this. So. Thanks.
You’re very welcome. I’ve said it before: my primary coping mechanism is apparently activism.
For some reason, it’s not even close to being a widely used term. It really should be.
It’s so easy to rationalize, as a parent. ”Kids playing rough.” ”Oh, they don’t know what they’re doing.”
Well, no, maybe they don’t. But I can tell you from close personal experience that if you don’t intervene, afraid to hurt your child’s feelings or unwilling to disturb the status quo, you are not protecting the abuser any more than you are the victim. Years from now, they’re likely to find themselves standing at the upper end of their lives, wondering what went wrong. Why they can’t seem to get their interactions with people right. Wondering why they could never manage a decent relationship with their sibling. Maybe even feeling sick with guilt and regret because they look at their sibling and realize too late the lasting damage they did as a stupid, bratty kid who didn’t know any better.
35% is a huge number. And it’s true that kids often don’t know any better. It’s the parents’ job to teach them.
Kids can take it. They’re stronger than we often give them credit for. ”Don’t do that, that’s abuse and it’s bad,” is such a simple thing to teach them, with such far-ranging effects on the health of your children.