This is the attitude that every creative artist needs to take.
When you’re wondering if you have the guts to post that new fanfic or to send your manuscript to a publisher, remember this.
I wish I had the honest guts to say that. Because I really, really don’t. If I post something and people don’t like it, it can be really difficult. I’ve gotten better about it over the last little while, but it happens, and I think it’s natural to feel that way, especially if you’re new at something. Craig Ferguson has been at his line of work a long time, and has had enough positive feedback he can blow off the haters if he wants to, without damage to his self esteem. I, unfortunately, have no such insulation – I’m still pretty new at this writing gig, and have zero self esteem about it to speak of.
Yeah, everybody WANTS to be able to feel this way, but not everyone can manage it. And while I root for everybody to get there, I don’t want to see the lack of self-confidence stigmatized. It’s not a failure or shortcoming on your part if you’re not able to shrug off negatives opinions.
I’ve been thinking about confidence a bit lately, and I’ve realized that it’s a learned thing. We talk about it like it’s something people should just HAVE, but where are they supposed to get it from? No one sprouts from the womb, natively brimming over with confidence. People who have a lot of confidence from a young age generally are surrounded by supportive family, friends, and authority figures, who they know have their back if they need help.
You earn self-confidence: through comparing how well you do things to how well other people do them, through getting feedback from others to find out what you did that worked and what didn’t, and perhaps most importantly, from finding experienced, skilled people you respect and admire and checking your instincts up against theirs.
“You’ve been doing this a while; what would you do here?” “Well, I would…” “Cool! That’s what I was thinking, but I wasn’t sure.”
This is why mentors and good feedback are so important.
You can’t have confidence till you’ve learned that you can trust and rely on your own skills and instincts. But you CAN learn confidence. You can, in fact, set out specifically and with purpose to learn confidence. 🙂 But it starts with gathering people whose opinions you trust and who are good at sharing them in positive, supportive ways.