Alice-Jane (AJ) Raffles is England’s undersung cricketing wunderkind. Harriet ‘Bunny’ Manders is her fuckup former BFF from school, suicidal, engaged to a rich stockbroker dickhead and absolutely ruined financially without him. When he dumps her at a society benefit in front of everyone, including her former BFF, they set out to ruin him and rebuild Bunny’s life for herself.
Raffles is basically a posh, morally ambiguous power lesbian sportswoman fuelled on anger that no one cares about women’s sport, stealing, fencing expensive cars, who rejects the easy way to fame and fortune (panel shows, dancing monkey status, marrying well, becoming a sexless celebrity lesbian with children and Radio 4) in favour of international power deals, semi-anonymity, the purity of women’s sport, being a corrupt powerful motherfucker.
Bunny Manders had a social climbing, Princess Diana obsessed Sloane Ranger Mummy who was convinced that her little baby Harriet was destined to marry Prince Harry, and a moderately corrupt banker father. She was emotionally abused with kindness and rigid roles and the kind of bullshit posh girls with insecure parents do to their poor daughters. No university, Swiss Finishing School, riding classes, Mother raged when debutantes stopped coming out formally, Jack Wills started infesting the high street, leaving Harriet with no choices but the whims of her power mad posh family.
Bunny barely knows herself. Falling in with AJ’s power domme life is the best thing she ever did. Her eventual ruin and blind jealousy of AJ’s power plays liberates her, she gets her degree and then a masters degree while in prison, gets in a relationship with a much more caring woman but she is addicted to dangerous women.
When Raffles reappears after faking her death, Bunny runs back to her despite being on a PhD programme of dreams and they finally consummate their relationship, Raffles now playing at being a wealthy Lesbian widow taking up with a young student. They live in a central London mansion and play out sex games and go back to stealing. Raffles is then found out, and they flee again and live in poverty and Raffles’ itchy feet.
When Raffles finds out that the Taliban is executing women in Pakistan on trumped up Lesbian charges she insists that the newly minted Doctor Manders and her go there to save people. Raffles goes there, realises that something anti imperialist awful, and is tragically shot by the Taliban saving Bunny. Bunny manages to escape back to Britain, becomes super famous, beloved and the star of many TV series and a modern universally loved celebrity, like a lesbian Stephen Fry. But she still misses Raffles and realises that Raffles was right about being a sexless Lesbian star of television and radio. Still. She’s alive.
I NEED TO WRITE THIS BOOK NOW.
This is basically everything I have ever desired from fiction.
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