i hope you’ve all had time to read my very important post concerning the misrepresentation of certain scenes and lines in series 3.
after a rewatch of the entire series last night, i’ve not only realised that everything i said earlier is completely correct (because i am exceptionally clever and that happens a lot) but there’s even more that i failed to take into consideration.
namely: john suffers from premature ejaculation.
hints of this were scattered all over the series. i found it to actually be one of the underlying themes of the whole programme. in fact, our first hint of it comes with the very first episode. i’ll bet you all know what i’m talking about because honestly, it’s so obvious. that’s right:
john. is. fast.
like….he’s out of the starting gate before you even realise there’s a race going on. and the very thing he’s essentially proposing to them? that’s right: SEX. he is asking them for sex and he’s too damn fast about it.
but this isn’t just a one-off, guys! i mean, he does this all the time.
in the very same episode:
(x)
then an episode later:
and how could any of us forget:
i mean, he is mr way-too-soon. it’s like his middle name. john way-too-soon watson. all of these situations portend sexual relations, so it’s obvious that his actions in attempting to find sexual partners is a direct comparison to how those relations enact themselves.
to put it bluntly, john prematurely ejaculates with his tiny penis. take this on top of all the walking he does with that plug up his arse and we know exactly what sort of a man john watson is in bed.
basically, he wants this:
(x)
don’t blame me guys. i’m just reading the subtext.
It’s scary how much sense this makes. I feel like I understand John a lot better now. Like, he has trust issues, yeah? And intimacy issues. And issues keeping girlfriends. And daddy issues too. And issues with his tiny tiny penis and issues with coming too soon. It just all fits. It’s all there, laid out in perfectly clear. I’m just shocked no one has realized this before! Truly, everyone has been getting John all wrong. THIS is the truth and it’s completely canon. He wants a huge dildo in his ass and he has a tiny dick and he comes too soon. 🙂 It’s canon, sorry, I don’t make the rules.
sholto probably tried so hard to reassure john that his tiny penis didn’t matter and that no matter how soon he came sholto would still love him and still want to be his daddy. poor john. just couldn’t handle it. he can’t imagine how anyone could possibly love him.
You two are Gods Of Meta.
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/1sf8eVp