touyakamishita said: autochorissexual fantasies like the ones you described explain 99% of the attraction towards men I feel. And, personally believeing i am on the asexual spectrum, the few times ive felt first hand sexual attraction, it’s been towards women.
bigfangirl said: I’m bi and for me it’s always been after I got to know a man that i fantasized about fucking them whereas women I meet can be like. Incredibly enticing to me immediately.
heartsung answered: So, pan here too. I have /fantasies/ about sex with men, but when I consider actually /doing/ it with one, I get put off. Just … no.
forsciencejohn answered: I consider myself pan (ish, I prefer the word queer) and I feel the same way towards all people. Like, I think people are attractive and every once in awhile I’ve seen one and been like DAYUM. But I’ve never felt a pressing need to have sex w anyone?
There seems to be a pattern here. Is it because men are just gross and we don’t want to fuck them (lmao) or is it some societal thing where we’re just not encouraged to be sexual about men? No one ever told us not be sexual about women though. Or is it something else?
Given, this sample is extremely small. Nice to know we’re not alone in our feelings, though. And there’s a spectrum of desire here, regardless.
I also prefer the word queer because it’s comforting in its nebulousness. (I will also refer to myself as homoflexible) And this is interesting to me because I know what it’s like to experience sexual desire for women. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t attracted to women. I remember being like, really young, 5 or 6, and feeling tingly when I looked at the made-up sexy women in my mom’s Glamour magazines (and my mom thought I hoarded them because I wanted to be like mommy, lol). Or getting excited looking at stereotypically “sexy” depictions of women, especially villainesses. (clearly I always had a type)
The number one thing that keeps me from being openly attracted to women I meet is the fear that they’re straight. The fear of rejection. I’m so paranoid that to this day I can’t believe my sexy gf is attracted to me sometimes
not looking for answers to questions, just hoping to generate some more discussion?
GDI stupid thing messed up my answer. FINE I’LL REBLOG, and totally fail to keep things concise.
Anyway, if you think about it, we’re actively encouraged to find women sexually attractive. Everybody gets pounded with this constant subliminal message that women are FOR sex.
My personal theory is that this is why homosexual attraction to women tends to be met with somewhat less violent antipathy than homosexual attraction to men. (Which is not to say that women don’t take plenty of crap for it.)
I’ve wondered about the autochorissexual thing myself (hi, yes, I’m another one), and while I have no solid ideas why, I do have some wild speculations!
1: Perhaps it is because as women, we are socialized to be attracted to men? Even though some of us just honestly aren’t, some part of our brain has gotten trained to try to make it work, going, “Yes, yes, men having sex is very hot, how convenient I have nothing personal to do with this.”
2: Perhaps, more disturbingly, at its root it is less about attraction and more about dissociating with our own gender/sexuality? Many of us have learned—either through things like sex ed scare tactics or the harder way—that sexuality sucks for women and men are not to be trusted. So in this dark theory (which might say more about me than about anybody else), perhaps some women are unable to let their guard down around men enough to take pleasure in any participatory scenario? And we’re only able to find it erotic when people we (are expected to) identify with are removed from the scenario so it doesn’t feel like we’re under threat.
3: I recall reading some studies several years back about the human brain and how it’s wired to find sex and the contemplation thereof hot, regardless of anything else. In this version, TLDR: sex is sexy, and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with you—or even possibly anything to do with humans at all.
4: Maybe that’s just how some people are built. *shrug*
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