1: You may be a wreck, and that’s okay. Forgive yourself for it. Grief sucks enough. Guilt over grief will eat you alive.
Plus, nobody else cares. If you think they do, just say “I lost someone recently” and they will avert their eyes, mutter condolences and be on their way.
2: Tell the people you love how you feel about them while you have the chance. Say “I love you,” but also tell them that you like spending time with them, the things they do that make you laugh, and how proud they make you.
If you can’t say it to their face, send an email or write it in a card and mail it to them. But you’ll be happier for having let them know, and they’ll be happier for having heard it.
You may assume they know, but they probably don’t. At any rate, when it’s too late you’ll be left wondering whether they did.
3:
The weirdest thing about losing someone is how, when they’re gone, the world goes right on like it doesn’t even notice. IDK what to do about this. I’m just warning you.
4: No, really. Forgive yourself for the erratic mood swings, the bouts of uselessness, the being pissed off, the wanting to avoid things, the not being able to forgive them for things you can’t get over, maybe even for dying at all. You can love someone and be angry at them, or unable to forgive them. These things aren’t mutually exclusive.
5: Grief doesn’t end. It only tapers off. ‘Grief’ is a word for “there’s a hole in life where someone used to be.” We talk about ‘healing,’ about ‘recovering.’ That’s bullshit. What you do is acclimate, come to terms. But if you catch yourself occasionally bursting into tears 10 years after you lost your mom, then that’s just how it goes sometimes.
6: They like to say, “But you’ll always have the memories.” And that is not bullshit. It’s the bottom line. The person you lost helped to shape you into who you are, and who you’ll become. They will legitimately always be a part of you, and a little bit of them will always be touching the world through you.
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