[Name redacted by me as these were sent off anon and I do not wish for this person to get in trouble]
I’m publishing these messages because I feel like they are a great example for demonstrating what’s wrong with the kind of attitude that seems to become more and more common among fandom spaces on Tumblr, namely that people have to disclose very private information to complete strangers to be allowed to draw/write certain things. To the person who sent these, please think about why you thought this was an appropriate question to ask someone. Not only are you expecting me to reveal personal details like this to a stranger, but a stranger who just called me a “fucker” and a “disgusting asshole”.
I’m going to use this as an opportunity to talk about this in broader terms, since I’ve seen a lot of people get attacked about the same thing. This whole “you must be this traumatized to ride” mindset is incredibly fucked up, and while I’m glad that more and more people feel comfortable talking about their experiences publicly, it should always remain optional instead of required. There are many reasons why people want to keep such things private, and their choice should be respected. What about all the people who aren’t sure if their experience counts? What about all those raised as women who, while they may have never been sexually assaulted, have been taught to live in fear of it, or had to deal with catcalling and harassment, and seek such content as way to deal with those experiences? The people who haven’t been sexually abused, but were victims of other kinds of abuse? This is an incredibly complex and nuanced topic, and while “
only survivors are allowed to ship/write/draw it” might look reasonable at first, it assumes you have the right to dig through and judge other people’s incredibly private thoughts and experiences. No one has that right.
I mean, where will this end? At which point will people only be allowed to create or consume fanwork that mirrors the exact circumstances of their abuse – which also means they have to disclose the exact details of what they went through to complete strangers? Hell, recently I’ve seen a callout post that, after the artist who was being called out disclosed they were a sexually abused (and got accused of lying by the writer of said post) stated that she’s still problematic because she didn’t state the person she was abused by was a relative, so she’s still problematic for shipping anime characters that are related. How can someone look at real people’s lived experiences and tell them their abuse wasn’t the right kind of abuse, so they aren’t allowed to look or create certain types of fanworks? It’s honestly baffling to me how people can think they should be the ultimate judge on who has or who hasn’t been abused properly enough (and in the right ways) to graciously be granted permission to enjoy noncon fiction.
There are problems with noncon fanworks, absolutely, but those usually consist of people not acknowledging/realizing that what they are writing is abuse/noncon. I brought 50SoG up a few times before, but it’s a good example because, in my opinion, the problem with it isn’t that it’s depicting an abusive relationship – it’s that the author doesn’t think that it’s abusive. That is the kind of shit that deserves to be called out, and not in a “show your victim card” way, but by explaining how the things being depicted qualify as abusive and non-consensual so that it can be properly tagged and warned for so people who are triggered by it can avoid it.
Tumblr user Stereowire put this into words way more succinctly than I could, so please read this post (it’s specifically about an issue in the MCU fandom, which I have no clue about, but I think it applies to fandoms in general).
Here are some important quotes (bolded by me):
sexual assault isn’t a goddamn credential, it’s not a placement test, it’s not some sort of fucking prerequisite you have to pass to have a kink. put another way: you don’t earn the right or deserve to enjoy a thing only after you’ve been sexually assaulted. like, jesus christ, can you imagine someone with no sexual assault history who likes fictional noncon kink reading those shitty judgmental posts and thinking that if only they’d been raped or abused, it would be okay? this bullshit “it’s gross and you’re gross but i guess it’s okay for survivors AND SURVIVORS ONLY to enjoy this as a somewhat unhealthy coping mechanism” viewpoint actually creates a scenario in which having been raped in real life is the better option because now you have a trump card against some fucking asshole teenagers on the internet harassing you, and this plays right into this whole fucking shit philosophy where the more hardships and oppressions you can claim to have endured, the more morally unassailable your position in any argument.
seriously, last time i got into it with an anon about the hydra trash party (months ago now, apparently i’ve scared them off), i had a bunch of people send me messages about how they were sexual assault survivors and enjoyed my work. i don’t want or need to know that. i do not fucking care, in the most benevolent way possible— i am not the gatekeeper; if you are a survivor i am proud of you but you should not feel any need to justify yourself to me, and on the flipside, just because i don’t talk about my own personal history to justify my kinks, you also don’t need to feel like you’re granting me permission to post these things, as if sexual assault survivors get to bring a plus-one on their ticket to the noncon party or something. i fucking hate that there is a culture on tumblr that made a dozen or so people feel like that was something they had to message me about, or someone would tell them to die in a fire. don’t tell me that’s somehow a less toxic influence on ~young impressionable minds~ in fandom spaces than people who are self aware enough to actually use the terms “noncon” and “dubcon” as warning labels so people can avoid it if they don’t want to see it.
Chiming in also as someone who has done volunteer work with sex education counseling and still does it on a private basis. The degree of sexual self-loathing I see in people surrounded by this type of bullying is pretty severe, especially in people who are still dependents of repressive households since it just reinforces that they are gross, disgusting, immoral, etc no matter where they go, and it’s even worse with victims of sexual abuse. This isn’t only an issue with ethics and bullying, it’s serious health and depression risk too when you can’t have a normal sexual self-esteem.
An important factor the above posts forget is: FICTION. We’re talking about FICTION here. Not endorsement, not condoning, not real life actions or preferences. Fiction.
Last year a friend of mine had her job threatened because some dipshit on this website had a petty fandom grudge saw she’d written a story about an abusive relationship. This tumblr user took the WARNINGS on the fic summary and used them against the writer as “evidence” that she was a Bad Bad Person.
So yeah, I have serious problems with folks conflating depiction with endorsement; equating fantasy with reality.
More so, though, I have a problem with this Tumblr bullshit constantly happening to WOMEN AND NB/GQ HOBBYIST AUTHORS AND ARTISTS rather than to MEN WHO PUBLISH THE SAME STUFF PROFESSIONALLY (lolol who’s john norman lol) and you know, REAL LIFE PREDATORS. But I guess if you’re trying to make yourself look righteous, you can save time and energy going for the easier target.
“i fucking hate that there is a culture on tumblr that made a dozen or so people feel like that was something they had to message me about, or someone would tell them to die in a fire. don’t tell me that’s somehow a less toxic influence on ~young impressionable minds~ in fandom spaces than people who are self aware enough to actually use the terms “noncon” and “dubcon” as warning labels so people can avoid it if they don’t want to see it.”
