My friend, you know how to live. Staring with mind-blasted vacancy into the unutterable vastness of time and space. Aw yeah.
X: What’s going on in those tentacular Elder-pants?
JOKE’S ON YOU, THE BIG C DOESN’T WEAR PANTS.
I realize suddenly that this meme is not specific enough for this question. I mean…am I supposed to figure out how Cthulhu likes to bump uglies? Or are we now meant to envison the nature, if any, of Cthulhu’s genitalia? Hm.
Okay, well. Let’s be honest here, I’m not thinking that Cthulhu is really a sexually reproducing species. If forced to speculate, I’d say those tentacles probably go all the way down. Tentacle beard. Tentacle neck-pubic beard and, because there is no merciful God in Lovecraft’s mythos, it probably goes right up into godawful muttonchop sideburns too. All squiggly and sucky and…as big as cars. I bet he jams them into peoples’ skulls. Well, not human peoples. When he tries that, we just go squish because the tentacles are fuckin’ enormous. But as we are frankly nothing more than semi-sentient gnats in the cosmic scheme of things, those tentacles are really probably meant for getting stuck up the noses of much larger and more significant eldritch beasties than us, and then sucking out their brains in a sick alien-hentai-esque orgy of intellect-devouring, during which the unfortunate creature screams and writhes in unfathomable pain that yet, somehow, makes their toes curl with horrific ecstasy as they die.
Sometimes it pays to be a gnat.
OKAY WOW, LET’S DO A VAMPIRE INSTEAD IT’S A LOT LESS AWFUL?
How about our boy LACROIX, because our ancient Canadian late night radio superstar is tragically obscure to the new generation of internet-dwelling whippersnappers.
Lacroix lives and thrives on the traditional vampire everything. He is classy. He is timeless. He could walk the vampire catwalk 2000 years ago and he could do it again today and every other vampire in the place would still wish to both be him and wish to be bitten by him (except Nick, but children never have any appreciation).
What I’m saying is, absolutely he loves the neck. You really can’t go wrong with it. Graceful. Delicate. Full of thrumming, vulnerable life. Just look at those arteries, throbbing right there like hydraulic hussies.
But it’s also easy. Really, the neck is for one-offs. It’s sexy but not ROMANTIC (and also leads to almost certain death, also impeding romance). When he finds somebody he’s really interested in keeping, he likes to draw it out. Crook of the elbow… Inner thigh… I can see him having a real thing about the inner thigh. When he’s draining someone so as to embrace them into the eternal dance of night-drenched immortals, he likes to make it slow, full of repeated crescendos of pleasure and pain, and unforgettable.
He gave Nick and Janette both permanent kinks.
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/29M7OPE