Kinktober Fic Challenge Day 26: Mentor/student
Overwatch, Reaper76, SEP slow burn part 6 (find the series here, or I’m posting the finished versions on AO3)
This is why Gabriel never tries to talk about this.
What a waste of a good kink prompt. Angst and…PG for a lot of swearing, I guess?
***
Jack is huddled barefoot in sweatpants on the sofa with a blanket across his shoulders and a styrofoam cup of cocoa from the commissary cradled in his big hands.
Gabriel kicks the door shut behind him and tries to ignore the little flip his heart does at the sight. “You look like the world’s biggest 10 year old.”
Bright blue eyes flick up at him and then go back to watching the steam drift up from his cocoa. “Shut up.” His cheeks are a bit pink. Gabriel grins. He kind of loves the way Jack’s complexion won’t let him hide anything.
The clock on their microwave reads 13:34. “Weren’t you and Santiago planning to hook up after lunch?” Implied: why is Jack here moping at his hot cocoa when he could be getting banged by a hot, hard-up latina officer? Hard to imagine how that could’ve gone wrong. Aside from the fact that she’s one of Jack’s ‘fellow sufferers’ and as desperate for a good fuck as he is, it’s difficult to come back from hanging out with Maria Santiago in a bad mood. She’s the most enthusiastically vulgar person Gabriel’s ever met.
Jack shrugs. “I wasn’t really feeling it.”
Gabriel tosses his gear onto his bed and marches back out to squint down at Jack. He doesn’t say: Since when do you ‘not really feel it?’ Because that would be a dick thing to say to a friend struggling with a medical condition that forces him to have sex.
But he doesn’t really need to say it, apparently. When Jack looks up at him again, sulky and shifty, it’s clear that he heard anyway, and that he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Gabriel backs off. Jack’s got little enough privacy these days. He goes over to pour himself a cup from the pot of cold coffee and pop it into the microwave. Jack doesn’t turn to watch him, but his shoulders are tense under the blanket. They do have something else to talk about, after all. Now Gabriel’s wondering if this thing with Maria is part of whatever that was about too.
He walks back over with his coffee to stand in front of Jack again. “So. The thing with Cabezial. You wanna tell me what that was about? Because I gotta say I thought you had better taste than that.”
Jack sucks his lips between his teeth. His eyes dart sideways.
When it’s clear Jack isn’t going to say anything, Gabriel gives him a nudge. “Look. You’re a grown-ass man. You can fuck who you want. I’m just worried, Jack. Cabezial is…” He sucks in a breath and tries to find a word besides the one that comes to mind.
Cabeziel is probably a rapist, is what he wants to say. Enough of them have heard the kind of shit he talks. But he’s not going to use the word if Jack doesn’t want to. Anyway, Cabezial didn’t do anything that time. Clearly Jack had been there of his own free will. Hopped up on hormones or not, he’s perfectly capable of putting a man through the wall if he doesn’t want to be touched.
But there’s the problem, isn’t it. If he doesn’t want to. It doesn’t take much work to make Jack want pretty much anything, these days. Gabriel breathes back out slow and even, stuck on the words for what’s in his head. How the fuck do you find a supportive way to tell a guy, I want to fuck you till all you can say is my name and then watch you fall asleep in my arms afterwards, but I won’t do it now because I don’t think you’re completely in your right mind and it feels rapey to me. But I totally support your right to let other people use you however you like, as long as I can watch to make sure they don’t hurt you or make you feel something I couldn’t make you feel.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” Jack mutters. He’s still looking away. His face is pink again, but it’s not cute this time, with that glower on his face that’s somewhere between frustration and real anger. The cocoa in his cup ripples.
Gabriel gives him the kind of silence that lets him talk in his own time. Jack’s told him a fair amount about what it’s like, but he knows well enough that’s not the same. And he has a pretty fair idea that they’re not quite talking about that anyway.
Jack makes a frustrated noise, barely stops his hands from crushing the cup before he leans over and sets it down. Then he’s on his feet, jittering like he’s not sure which direction he wants to go, hands clenching in his hair. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? Yes, I know Cab is an asshole. I just.” He flings his arms out, whatever that’s supposed to mean. He makes to say something else, then just shakes his head, jaw tight.
“Okay.” Gabriel steps closer, one hand half-raised and trying to work out whether he should touch Jack right now or not. For all he’s talked about this, Jack’s never been this worked up about it before.
Jack turns and catches Gabriel’s wrist.
“Okay,” Gabriel says again, trying to lower his hand. Jack doesn’t let go. He steps closer too, till they’re facing each other straight on, not more than a foot of space between them. Gabriel stomps on the thrill he feels at that. Not the fucking time.
“I have fucked so many people,” Jack says. There’s a little waver in his voice that makes Gabriel ache. “I have barely given a damn about almost any of them. Do you know what that’s like? To be…in bed, naked, with almost total strangers, letting them do things…” A tremor runs through him that Gabriel can feel through his grip. Jack fidgets again, like he wants to pace but doesn’t want to let go of Gabriel. “I.”
Another shiver ripples through him, then he raises his other hand. Gabriel watches while Jack reaches out to him slowly and then settles it flat against Gabriel’s chest just below his right collarbone. For a second he seems puzzled that it’s there. Then he fists it into the cloth of Gabriel’s t-shirt to hold him in place while he leans in and kisses him.
Gabriel feels like he’s going to vibrate to pieces with the effort of not moving. The desire to crush Jack to him and kiss him until he begs for mercy is so strong that he’s is a little surprised to find he’s not actually doing it. But that’s a terrible idea with Jack this fucked up and Gabriel’s control this stressed, so he just stands there and waits until Jack finishes and lets go of him.
“I’m sorry,” Jack is apologizing before he even steps back. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want it, I just.” He steps back again, a longer one to get deliberately past Gabriel’s reach.
Gabriel barely manages to keep from lunging for him. The only reason he stops himself is because he’s not sure what he’d do next. The things Jack is saying bounce off a wall of disbelief in his head.
Jack buries his face in his hands. “I haven’t felt safe in weeks,” he says dully into his palms. “Except for when I’m with you. I know you don’t mean it like that, and maybe that’s part of it. But I just. I can’t fucking do this anymore, and I…” He drops his hands and laughs. It sounds kind of horrible. “It’s not fair to dump this on you on top of everything else you’ve done for me. But I feel like I’m losing my mind, Gabe. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
He moves to turn away, wiping one hand across his mouth. Gabriel’s taken the two steps to grab his arm and hold him in place before he even knows he’s moving. Jack turns back to stare at him. His eyes are red and puffy but he’s not crying.
Gabriel meets his eyes and realizes he doesn’t have a damn clue what to say. He’s supposed to be good at this. Good at Jack, anyway. All he can think about is how he feels like he’s about to explode from the idea that Jack trusts him. “No,” he manages, after a moment in which Jack’s face goes from curiosity and something like hope to a kind of sick, wary resignation.
“No?”
Yeah, that’s fucking eloquence there, Gabriel. He rubs a hand down his face and tries to sort out what actually matters here from the howl of he kissed you he’s asking you fucking him will fix everything! his hind brain is putting out. “I don’t want to be another one of those people you regret, Jack.” He hangs on when Jack tries to pull away. “No, listen. You need someone who’ll make you feel safe more than you need another lay.” Hurt blooms in Jack’s eyes. Gabriel wants to scream. Jack trusts him to help, and when it matters, suddenly he can’t say a fucking right word? He tries again, knows it’s a stupid thing to say even as he hears it come out. “Come on, Jack, you’re not ready.”
“Not ready? That’s a bit egotistical.” Jack’s eyes narrow, hurt transmuting to irritation. “Aren’t you the one who just said that I’m a grown-ass man who can take care of himself?”
God, Gabriel hates conversations. “I said you’re a grown-ass man who can fuck who you want. I didn’t say that you can take care of yourself.” And there’s the flare of offense, right on cue. Gabriel grits his teeth on his quickly fraying temper. “Jack, I know this shit’s fucked you up. That’s why I won’t go anywhere near you.” Jack’s face begins to twist. “No, goddammit! Not like that!”
“If you’re trying to let me down easy,” Jack snaps, “you don’t have to spare my feelings.”
Gabriel growls. “Stop putting putting words in my mouth! I’m not trying to turn you down. I’m just saying, can’t you wait?”
Jack tears himself away from Gabriel’s grip. “Yeah. I can wait till the cows come home.” The heat’s gone out of his voice, leaving behind a tone of sullen, weathered iron. Gabriel starts a litany of curses in his head. Jack heads for their front door. “I’m sorry I kissed you. But hey, thanks for finally killing my fucking boner, I guess.”
With that, he’s off in the hallway, door swinging closed behind him.
He wasn’t even wearing fucking shoes.
Gabriel shouts and kicks the sofa. It flips over with a snap of wood, because how else could this day go?
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2eQpxJF