GOD, so when they matched Jack with the clouded leopard DNA, they were really thinking about how well it went with his crazy dive-bombing paratrooper tendencies.  They never reckoned with what would happen when those big blue eyes joined forces with the nomming of the FLUFFIEST TAIL.

How a dude built like a brick shithouse with a side of beef can be THAT DAMN CUTE with his stupid fat tail stuck in his mouth is an enduring mystery.

Even worse is how quickly Jack catches on to the power he wields.  He just casually catches at that tail, pulls it around to absently groom at it while he talks.  Next thing you know, he’s nibbling on the end like he’s got an oral fixation that just won’t quit while he watches you all innocent and wide-eyed and enthralled by whatever you’re saying, and then when he’s like, “That’s so smart! Could I add a thought?” you’re suddenly finding yourself agreeing enthusiastically to whatever batshittery he’s just proposed.

Gabe hates it.  He’s pretty sure he’s gonna die. (Also he can confirm the oral fixation theory.)

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